I have always kept a journal or a visual diary of some kind, well at least since my teenage years. What I wrote in them then was nothing prolific or even prophetic, but was more in line with contacts, birth dates and notes from friends and also including a marriage ceremony message from one of those silly things teens did back in their lunchtimes with friends in their youth. Something no teenager could relate to now…..ever!
In my 20’s my journaling changed to include my thoughts, concerns, dreams, desires, wishes and some prayers. I remember vaguely some of the things I wrote then as I write this, but these were destroyed after God literally saved my life from habits that were not healthy in my life journey. It was important to get rid of the documented life that was, the years of cult activity that cost me so much and anything that had to do with it.
In this photograph are the last 15 years of my journals and visual diaries. I don’t know what it’s like to be without a journal. Actually, I do and I have written on whatever I could scrounge up from my handbag or pocket; drawn and written on paper tablecloths at restaurants, classy I know; and when that’s failed I’ve purchased a new journal so I could jot down my thoughts, ideas, prayers, inspiration and illustrations. Usually I have several on the go at once. I currently have 2 by my bedside, one personal and one that I use for devotion ideas for work, one in my handbag; with a half full back up that I put down somewhere, only to finally find it for this photo.
Journaling is a part of my journey. It is a habit. As I gathered them from multiple locations from around my home I was encouraged by the number of them, but also wondered how many more there could be if my habit was less sporadic at placing pen to paper. Some of them are more visual than others, some are all writing. Some contain photographs of events and happenings we get up to as a family. They include notes from sermons, podcasts, images of inspiration for my artwork, things that move me in some way. There are diagrams and details of artworks I want to construct, paint, print, illustrate, Photoshop, animate, film or photograph. Some contain the titles of books I want to write, while others contain the jottings of these books. Poetry, songs, working through questions and concerns, writing to God, written prayers and so many of them contain, in different intensities, the seeking of God.
What I realised as I balanced these to take photos, is how precariously balanced our lives are. How precariously balanced my life is. My journaling helps to order my thoughts and process life stuff. It helps balance me. It helps focus me. It helps me reconnect with God by clearing out the junk stored up that I hold on to that drowns out his still quiet voice. Journaling helps me express all the things that I can’t share with people at midnight or that I can’t or shouldn’t share at all. Those things that are between God and I. Where His Grace is abundant. Sometimes this has been a process over weeks, months, even years. I often discover as I look back over past entries the great healing closely followed by tears of joy in realising that strong holds have been broken open, fears, loneliness, a multitude of messy stuff, the journey of isolation, business are not consuming any longer, instead freedom is left and that freedom is now being lived.
All of these journals embrace aspects of me and I see so much of God in how entries begun as laments, concerns or questions would conclude in clarity and thankfulness.
The habit of journaling. The habit of releasing all the life stuff that would consume my joy leaving hope that leads to freedom.
What habits are you developing?
#aftergodsheartthroughart
#afterGodsheartthroughart 
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